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Saturday, August 1, 2009

I Have New Respect For Carrot Top...and Twitter

Now I'm an old fashioned lady and technology scares me. To this day I still don't know how to use my email; I just force my grandchildren to check it for me and write them out by hand. Once in a while they refuse but then I simply beat them with their own slippers. Well anyways, naturally something like Twitter would scare the ever loving shit out of me. I keep hearing people talking about tweets and who tweeted what and where and it makes me want to hide under the straw mat which is my bed.

But last night I became a little delirious after eating some slightly rotten dosas and I decided to explore the Twitter phenomenon. First I went to Sarah Palin's Twitter page. Boring. She sounded like what Mao Zedong would if he were the governor of Alaska:

Another victory for my family/my admin/the people of AK; but the wins come @ great cost. Will link to presser when posted.

I'll sign SB125 Aerospace Corp bill tonight; encourages developmnt of the industry in AK as we capitalize on our strategic location on globe

What??? Anyways, I started looking up the Twitter pages of other celebrities. Most of it was useless; basically a glorified press release that was probably scrutinized by their publicist before it was sent out. That was until I stumbled on Carrot Top's twitter page. Here are some examples of his tweets:

Just got into a staring contest with my cat, which inevitably turned into a shouting match.

This self-absorbed hooker starts crying partway through and now I can't get my money back. I'm gonna wreck this room til her pimp shows up.

A white trash 15 year old girl in cut-offs and face-paint, her pregnant mom leaning on the grocery cart... my cock so hard it hurts.

Everytime I come in here, this same dude makes my sub sandwich looking like he just got raped.

I literally laughed so hard that coconut milk came out of my nose. And I haven't drank coconut milk in over a week. If I do end up joining Twitter, it will be because of Carrot Top.