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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Celine Dion Successfully Mates With Her Almost 70 Yr Old Husband To Produce the Most Unfortunate Baby Ever

When I heard that Celine Dion had just become pregnant with her second child, my initial reaction was disgust. But then I thought about it some more and I became not only disgusted, but creeped the hell out. Her husband, René Angélil, is 3 years shy of 70th birthday. What kind of father does she think he is going to be? When he's not passed out after a hard day of breathing, does she think he's going to actually play with this child or do anything to care for it? I would be hugely surprised if he's able to hold the child for longer than ten consecutive seconds without dropping it onto its face.

Obviously this pregnancy was made possible with the help of a fertility clinic, because her 67 year old husband hasn't been able to successfully achieve an erection or produce viable sperm since the Cuban Missile Crisis. And even with the help of a fertility clinic, an enormous amount of luck was on their side, with Celine using one of her eggs that had been frozen 8 years ago. An enormous amount of luck will also be necessary for her almost 70 year old husband to have any kind of meaningful impact on this child, who in all likelihood will be smarter, more physically fit, and have better bowel and bladder control by its 5th birthday.